We both hate the New York Islanders.

James: What's the difference between a squirrel and an Islander?
Me: I don't know...what?
James: The squirrel has a chance at winning the Stanley Cup.

Occupy...

Me: If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't ever be able to see myself with a boyfriend.
James: I am the 1%!

Dying.

Me: I feel like dying.
James: Want to know what I do when I feel like that?
Me: What?
James: I think about you, because you're worth living for.

Amazing.

James: How about I put my cell phone on the charger, so if you call, you'll only wake me and not the whole house.
Me: Wait, you'd leave your cell phone on for me and wake up in the middle of the night to answer it, just in case I got upset if my blanket got ruined by the dryer?
James: Well, yeah. I guess so.
Me: Wow. You really are amazing.

Hot and Cold.

James: Are you cold?
Me: Umm, yes, why?
James: Oh, well that explains it. I'm really hot.
Me: Well, you need to give me some of that.
James: Exactly. I figured, if I just got super hot, Katie must be cold.

Pittsburgh Penguins.

James: That's probably the most respectful thing I've ever seen happen in a hockey game.
Me: And that's how you know it's not a Penguins game.

Japan disaster.

James: You know, the ocean just come and suck up the nuclear power plants. That would solve all of Japan's problems.
Me: You mean, like, if a random tsunami just came and ate the power plants?
James: Well, no...
Me: Or if the ocean formed a fist and grabbed the power plants and sucked them into a black hole?
James: Okay, you're being a douchenozzle. That's not what I meant.

Valentine's Day Love.

James: Roses are red
             Violets are blue
             Your pussy is pink
             So let's watch Miami Ink
             I never cease to amaze.
Me: The last line is supposed to rhyme with "blue."
James: Well, sorry.
Me: For instance:
        Roses are red
       Violets are blue
       You messed up the poem
       So I'll have to fuck you.

Earthquakes.

James: So, what's shakin'?
Me: Earthquakes.