My boyfriend's priorities.

Me: Have you ever needed something so bad that you couldn't sleep at night?
James: Yes.
James: If I know that I'm going to have Taco Bell the next day, I can't sleep.

Romance at 3am.

James: Your eyes...are as green...as...something else that is also green.

Beaches and Seas.

James: Don't be such a beach.
Me: You can't just say that any time you want. It has to be when we're making puns about seas.

James showing me something he drew.

James: And then I drew this happy guy. He's an onion.
Me: Is that a potato?
James: IT'S A HAPPY ONION.

We both hate the New York Islanders.

James: What's the difference between a squirrel and an Islander?
Me: I don't know...what?
James: The squirrel has a chance at winning the Stanley Cup.

Occupy...

Me: If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't ever be able to see myself with a boyfriend.
James: I am the 1%!

Dying.

Me: I feel like dying.
James: Want to know what I do when I feel like that?
Me: What?
James: I think about you, because you're worth living for.

Amazing.

James: How about I put my cell phone on the charger, so if you call, you'll only wake me and not the whole house.
Me: Wait, you'd leave your cell phone on for me and wake up in the middle of the night to answer it, just in case I got upset if my blanket got ruined by the dryer?
James: Well, yeah. I guess so.
Me: Wow. You really are amazing.

Hot and Cold.

James: Are you cold?
Me: Umm, yes, why?
James: Oh, well that explains it. I'm really hot.
Me: Well, you need to give me some of that.
James: Exactly. I figured, if I just got super hot, Katie must be cold.

Pittsburgh Penguins.

James: That's probably the most respectful thing I've ever seen happen in a hockey game.
Me: And that's how you know it's not a Penguins game.

Japan disaster.

James: You know, the ocean just come and suck up the nuclear power plants. That would solve all of Japan's problems.
Me: You mean, like, if a random tsunami just came and ate the power plants?
James: Well, no...
Me: Or if the ocean formed a fist and grabbed the power plants and sucked them into a black hole?
James: Okay, you're being a douchenozzle. That's not what I meant.

Valentine's Day Love.

James: Roses are red
             Violets are blue
             Your pussy is pink
             So let's watch Miami Ink
             I never cease to amaze.
Me: The last line is supposed to rhyme with "blue."
James: Well, sorry.
Me: For instance:
        Roses are red
       Violets are blue
       You messed up the poem
       So I'll have to fuck you.

Earthquakes.

James: So, what's shakin'?
Me: Earthquakes.

Toys R Us.

James: Do it.
Me: Do what?
James: Get my Christmas presents from Toys R Us.
Me: What if I got you toys instead of video games.
James: I'd kill you. Unless they were Batman.

Cyber Police.

Me: Oh crap.
James: What?
Me: Sam is calling the cyber police on us for being mean to her.
James: I just read that as "She's cybering me as the police for being mean to her."

James mistook the summer of 2009 to be two years ago and this is what happened.

Me: Get your months straight!
James: I have a gay calendar! It's hard to keep them straight!

Batman.

Me: What's not helping my headache is that my brother is playing a really loud video game with Batman or Jurassic Park-like music.
James: BATMANNNNNNNN NANANANANANA BATMANNNNNNN
Me: Jesus, did you take crack while I was gone?
James: Only your caretaker knows for sure.
Me: What?
James: BATMANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN IS A GOOD MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Me: You're crazy.
James: BRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRB BATMANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Me: ...

Something I'd like to call "perfect timing."

Me: Me and Michelle aren't talking about Harley anymore.
James: So?
Me: We're talking about how pretty your hair is.
James: I suddenly feel tired. Night.

Three words.

James: You know, I completely made your night from sad to happy. What do you have to say to me?
Me: Umm?
James: Come on. Three magic words.
Me: "I love you"?
James: No, "here's your sandwich"!

This is my favorite.

Me: So, goodnight.
James: Goodnight. Wait, no, don't go!
Me: What? Why?
James: ...I love you.
Me: I love you too. Now, goodnight.
James: Goodnight. Wait, no, come back!
Me: What?!
James: I love you!
Me: I love you too. Goodnight, James.
James: Fine. Goodnight.