James mistook the summer of 2009 to be two years ago and this is what happened.

Me: Get your months straight!
James: I have a gay calendar! It's hard to keep them straight!

Batman.

Me: What's not helping my headache is that my brother is playing a really loud video game with Batman or Jurassic Park-like music.
James: BATMANNNNNNNN NANANANANANA BATMANNNNNNN
Me: Jesus, did you take crack while I was gone?
James: Only your caretaker knows for sure.
Me: What?
James: BATMANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN IS A GOOD MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Me: You're crazy.
James: BRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRB BATMANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Me: ...

Something I'd like to call "perfect timing."

Me: Me and Michelle aren't talking about Harley anymore.
James: So?
Me: We're talking about how pretty your hair is.
James: I suddenly feel tired. Night.

Three words.

James: You know, I completely made your night from sad to happy. What do you have to say to me?
Me: Umm?
James: Come on. Three magic words.
Me: "I love you"?
James: No, "here's your sandwich"!

This is my favorite.

Me: So, goodnight.
James: Goodnight. Wait, no, don't go!
Me: What? Why?
James: ...I love you.
Me: I love you too. Now, goodnight.
James: Goodnight. Wait, no, come back!
Me: What?!
James: I love you!
Me: I love you too. Goodnight, James.
James: Fine. Goodnight.

Fun with sexism.

James: Get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.
Me: You're mean. How do you live with yourself?
James: Because I know I can say three words and everything will be better.
Me: Oh? What three words?
James: I love you!
Me: Doesn't seem like it...
James: Obviously I love you if I trust you enough to make me a sandwich.

Mother's Day.

James: Oh, I got you a Mother's Day gift.
Me: ...But I'm not a mother! Unless the gift is pregnancy.
James: Ah, see, but the gift is the little black boy I stole from the store.
Me: Now it makes sense!