Pittsburgh Penguins.

James: That's probably the most respectful thing I've ever seen happen in a hockey game.
Me: And that's how you know it's not a Penguins game.

Japan disaster.

James: You know, the ocean just come and suck up the nuclear power plants. That would solve all of Japan's problems.
Me: You mean, like, if a random tsunami just came and ate the power plants?
James: Well, no...
Me: Or if the ocean formed a fist and grabbed the power plants and sucked them into a black hole?
James: Okay, you're being a douchenozzle. That's not what I meant.

Valentine's Day Love.

James: Roses are red
             Violets are blue
             Your pussy is pink
             So let's watch Miami Ink
             I never cease to amaze.
Me: The last line is supposed to rhyme with "blue."
James: Well, sorry.
Me: For instance:
        Roses are red
       Violets are blue
       You messed up the poem
       So I'll have to fuck you.

Earthquakes.

James: So, what's shakin'?
Me: Earthquakes.

Toys R Us.

James: Do it.
Me: Do what?
James: Get my Christmas presents from Toys R Us.
Me: What if I got you toys instead of video games.
James: I'd kill you. Unless they were Batman.

Cyber Police.

Me: Oh crap.
James: What?
Me: Sam is calling the cyber police on us for being mean to her.
James: I just read that as "She's cybering me as the police for being mean to her."

James mistook the summer of 2009 to be two years ago and this is what happened.

Me: Get your months straight!
James: I have a gay calendar! It's hard to keep them straight!