Hot and Cold.

James: Are you cold?
Me: Umm, yes, why?
James: Oh, well that explains it. I'm really hot.
Me: Well, you need to give me some of that.
James: Exactly. I figured, if I just got super hot, Katie must be cold.

Pittsburgh Penguins.

James: That's probably the most respectful thing I've ever seen happen in a hockey game.
Me: And that's how you know it's not a Penguins game.

Japan disaster.

James: You know, the ocean just come and suck up the nuclear power plants. That would solve all of Japan's problems.
Me: You mean, like, if a random tsunami just came and ate the power plants?
James: Well, no...
Me: Or if the ocean formed a fist and grabbed the power plants and sucked them into a black hole?
James: Okay, you're being a douchenozzle. That's not what I meant.

Valentine's Day Love.

James: Roses are red
             Violets are blue
             Your pussy is pink
             So let's watch Miami Ink
             I never cease to amaze.
Me: The last line is supposed to rhyme with "blue."
James: Well, sorry.
Me: For instance:
        Roses are red
       Violets are blue
       You messed up the poem
       So I'll have to fuck you.

Earthquakes.

James: So, what's shakin'?
Me: Earthquakes.

Toys R Us.

James: Do it.
Me: Do what?
James: Get my Christmas presents from Toys R Us.
Me: What if I got you toys instead of video games.
James: I'd kill you. Unless they were Batman.

Cyber Police.

Me: Oh crap.
James: What?
Me: Sam is calling the cyber police on us for being mean to her.
James: I just read that as "She's cybering me as the police for being mean to her."