Toys R Us.

James: Do it.
Me: Do what?
James: Get my Christmas presents from Toys R Us.
Me: What if I got you toys instead of video games.
James: I'd kill you. Unless they were Batman.

Cyber Police.

Me: Oh crap.
James: What?
Me: Sam is calling the cyber police on us for being mean to her.
James: I just read that as "She's cybering me as the police for being mean to her."

James mistook the summer of 2009 to be two years ago and this is what happened.

Me: Get your months straight!
James: I have a gay calendar! It's hard to keep them straight!

Batman.

Me: What's not helping my headache is that my brother is playing a really loud video game with Batman or Jurassic Park-like music.
James: BATMANNNNNNNN NANANANANANA BATMANNNNNNN
Me: Jesus, did you take crack while I was gone?
James: Only your caretaker knows for sure.
Me: What?
James: BATMANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN IS A GOOD MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Me: You're crazy.
James: BRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRB BATMANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Me: ...

Something I'd like to call "perfect timing."

Me: Me and Michelle aren't talking about Harley anymore.
James: So?
Me: We're talking about how pretty your hair is.
James: I suddenly feel tired. Night.

Three words.

James: You know, I completely made your night from sad to happy. What do you have to say to me?
Me: Umm?
James: Come on. Three magic words.
Me: "I love you"?
James: No, "here's your sandwich"!

This is my favorite.

Me: So, goodnight.
James: Goodnight. Wait, no, don't go!
Me: What? Why?
James: ...I love you.
Me: I love you too. Now, goodnight.
James: Goodnight. Wait, no, come back!
Me: What?!
James: I love you!
Me: I love you too. Goodnight, James.
James: Fine. Goodnight.

Fun with sexism.

James: Get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.
Me: You're mean. How do you live with yourself?
James: Because I know I can say three words and everything will be better.
Me: Oh? What three words?
James: I love you!
Me: Doesn't seem like it...
James: Obviously I love you if I trust you enough to make me a sandwich.

Mother's Day.

James: Oh, I got you a Mother's Day gift.
Me: ...But I'm not a mother! Unless the gift is pregnancy.
James: Ah, see, but the gift is the little black boy I stole from the store.
Me: Now it makes sense!

Adorable in its true definition.

James: Why are you all sad-faced?
Me: Why not?
James: Because you're amazing.
Me: Not really.
James: Mhmmmmmmmz.
Me: If you say so...
James: I don't say so. I know so.
Me: Okay.
James: -kisses cheek-
Me: Awww.
James: -kicks dirt- I'm afraid to kiss kiss you because you're so amazing.
Me: -kiss-
James: -falls over in amazement-