Valentine's Day Love.

James: Roses are red
             Violets are blue
             Your pussy is pink
             So let's watch Miami Ink
             I never cease to amaze.
Me: The last line is supposed to rhyme with "blue."
James: Well, sorry.
Me: For instance:
        Roses are red
       Violets are blue
       You messed up the poem
       So I'll have to fuck you.

Earthquakes.

James: So, what's shakin'?
Me: Earthquakes.

Toys R Us.

James: Do it.
Me: Do what?
James: Get my Christmas presents from Toys R Us.
Me: What if I got you toys instead of video games.
James: I'd kill you. Unless they were Batman.

Cyber Police.

Me: Oh crap.
James: What?
Me: Sam is calling the cyber police on us for being mean to her.
James: I just read that as "She's cybering me as the police for being mean to her."

James mistook the summer of 2009 to be two years ago and this is what happened.

Me: Get your months straight!
James: I have a gay calendar! It's hard to keep them straight!

Batman.

Me: What's not helping my headache is that my brother is playing a really loud video game with Batman or Jurassic Park-like music.
James: BATMANNNNNNNN NANANANANANA BATMANNNNNNN
Me: Jesus, did you take crack while I was gone?
James: Only your caretaker knows for sure.
Me: What?
James: BATMANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN IS A GOOD MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Me: You're crazy.
James: BRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRB BATMANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Me: ...

Something I'd like to call "perfect timing."

Me: Me and Michelle aren't talking about Harley anymore.
James: So?
Me: We're talking about how pretty your hair is.
James: I suddenly feel tired. Night.